About – Carrie M Holt

Welcome! I’m so glad you’re here.

ARE YOU A SPECIAL NEEDS MOM?

Did your child or unborn baby just receive a life-changing diagnosis?
Are you having feelings of anger, grief, sadness, resentment, or denial?
Do you feel guilty for grieving while your child is still alive?
Are you tired? Worn-out? Without hope?

*THIS PLACE IS FOR YOU!

MY DESIRE IS TO HELP YOU FIND:

healing in your grief
joy in your sadness
courage in the face of fear
gratefulness in hard places

MY PRAYER IS FOR YOU TO THRIVE!

I understand what it’s like NOT to have a due date for your baby, but a surgery date the day they will be born.
I understand what it’s like to NOT be expecting a healthy baby.
I know what it is to have fear and worry about your child’s future.
I can comprehend the disappointment from unmet expectations when the baby you were expecting has a medical emergency and actually turns out worse than you expected.
I know what it’s like to live in the grieving cycle, even though your child is alive.

Where Do I Go From Here?

You can move from just surviving your child’s diagnosis to thriving. I know what it’s like to be in survival mode. Years of major medical events turning our lives upside down wore me out. There were days I didn’t understand my sadness and grief months after the event was over. Then, God showed me something: (Read More)

Three Steps to Thriving As a Special Needs Mom:

1. Identify – Maybe you’ve never thought about it this way, but you are living in a grieving cycle that began with your child’s diagnosis. It’s not the loss of your child, but the loss of dream of having a normal, healthy child, and grieving is okay. There is healing in naming the feelings you’re experiencing and expecting that they will probably come again in your journey.

2. Acknowledge – Your life is going to look differently now that you have this new diagnosis. You will experience different emotions that come with that cycle: anger, denial, sadness, grief, frustration, anxiety, and acceptance. Sometimes you will experience more than one at the same time. It’s okay to acknowledge that this grieving cycle is one you will live on. When something unexpected occurs or your child doesn’t meet a milestone, grief will come. Grieving is the first step to healing.

3. Embrace – Learning to grieve in healthy ways is important and a major step to embracing this new life you have been given. You have a choice to run from it in despair or grieve and embrace. A life-altering diagnosis doesn’t have to crush your hope and joy. You can find it even in the middle of difficult circumstances.

Click here to subscribe to my newsletter for encouragement and hope – and you’ll receive a free pdf download entitled “Five Tips on Healthy Ways to Process Grief as a Special Needs Mom”

Some day you will find yourself saying:
“He thought about how far the Maker had carried him. He might be scarred and worn in places, but like his backpack, he believed he was better for it.”
(Andrew Peterson, The Monster in the Hollows)

My Personal Story

I was 20 weeks pregnant with our third son when our world was shattered with a prenatal diagnosis of Spina Bifida (specifically myelomeningocele- he was born with an open hole in his back), Hydrocephalus, and Chiari II Malformation of the brain.

Life further took a turn for the worse just two weeks later when he went into respiratory failure and spent the next thirty days fighting for his life.

Over two months later, our son came home with a tracheostomy tube in his throat to help him breathe, a feeding tube to keep him alive, and on a ventilator 24/7. Along side, this was home care nurses.
Through the years our son didn’t fit in the box of Spina Bifida and instead was medically fragile and complex. By the time he was 12 he had over 50 surgeries.

A few months after an inpatient hospital stay, I found myself crumbling under the weight of grief, even though it had been a few weeks since the stay. It was then that God revealed to me that I was grieving and as long as I was caring for my son, I would be living in a grieving cycle: anger, denial, fear, grief, sadness, and acceptance. This wasn’t as a result of the loss of my child, but the loss of a dream of having a healthy, able-bodied child.

I realized that I had a choice in the middle of all of this – I could choose to just survive or thrive and I could choose joy or anger. The only way to do this is through the power of the Holy Spirit and trusting the One, who is the source of my joy even in pain.

I immediately began writing, mourning, and started a caring bridge site to update friends and family every time our son went into the hospital. It helped me process, grieve, and also see the ways God was working and providing. Then I began to volunteer at our local children’s hospital speaking/sharing our story, started a support group for other parents with medically complex kids.

Digging my roots deep into the God’s hope, sharing our story, and connecting with others has become a place of healing for me. It can do that for you too!

Random Facts About Me: Maybe you can relate?

Books are my security blanket, I always travel with several real books!
I met my hubby on a blind date.
I homeschool all four of my kids.
I have the gift and curse of empathy. I feel things very deeply. It’s a gift because I love to help others, it becomes a curse when I can’t get through an episode of Shark Tank without tearing up. I just can’t help it!
I love board games especially Cities and Knights
I’m a runner.
I had two minors in college: Psychology and Bible
I was a nursing major in my first year of college and then switched to education. God knew that I would later use/need that love of understanding medical terms, etc. in my role as a special needs mom.

“I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in Him.“
Psalm 40:1-3 NIV

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